Why Public Shaming Is Ineffective Parenting
Hailey is a young girl of roughly 13 years old. Her mother apparently caught her cyber bullying online. As punishment, Hailey’s mother posted a picture of her on social media holding a sign confessing to her behavior. The sign also advertises Hailey’s iPod, which she plans to sell and give the proceeds to an anti-bullying charity. This is one of the many examples of public shaming we’ve seen with the increased popularity of social media; and just like the other situations, Hailey’s mother is met with a mixed reaction of praise and criticism. Some parents feel that Hailey’s mother did the right thing by putting her daughter in the shoes of the person being bullied. They feel it will teach her about empathy and make her think twice before treating others badly. Others feel the punishment was hypocritical, akin to hitting a child as punishment for hitting another child. They have sounded off on social media with a frenzy of criticism, calling her a bully and a bad example for her daughter. Even therapists have weighed in with their professional opinions on the matter.
In light of Hailey’s public shaming dilemma, along with the countless other cases I’ve seen in recent years, I’ve come to the conclusion that public shaming is a highly ineffective way to punish your children… but not for the reason you may think.
Parents shouldn’t cyber shame their kids, not necessarily because it’s bad parenting but because it defeats the purpose of parenting. When you shame your child on a public platform, you invite the opinions of the general public, whether supportive, constructive or caustic, whether reliable or unreliable. You also open yourself to potentially embarrassing criticism that could be featured on a national scale. So, what happens when Mom punishes Child and a firestorm of criticism rains down upon Mom painting her as a bad parent? Is the child going to be as responsive the next time Mom tries to teach her a lesson? Or has Mom’s authority been undermined? I don’t know how I feel personally about public shaming, but I feel downright humiliated for the parent who has noble intentions and inadvertently subjects herself to public shame and bullying. That’s like getting a spanking for spanking your child. Yes, I recognize that spanking is a controversial subject as well, but that’s my point. Not everyone has the same philosophy regarding what is the healthiest way to raise or discipline his or her children. There’s always going to be someone who feels you are too hard on your kids, or you spoil your kids, and everything in between. So if you don’t want to be graded for your parenting skills- on a platform your children can see, no less- maybe you should just keep America out of your home. However you choose to teach your kids the difference between right and wrong is your legal right, but if you don’t want public criticism, don’t punish your kids publicly.
In light of Hailey’s public shaming dilemma, along with the countless other cases I’ve seen in recent years, I’ve come to the conclusion that public shaming is a highly ineffective way to punish your children… but not for the reason you may think.
Parents shouldn’t cyber shame their kids, not necessarily because it’s bad parenting but because it defeats the purpose of parenting. When you shame your child on a public platform, you invite the opinions of the general public, whether supportive, constructive or caustic, whether reliable or unreliable. You also open yourself to potentially embarrassing criticism that could be featured on a national scale. So, what happens when Mom punishes Child and a firestorm of criticism rains down upon Mom painting her as a bad parent? Is the child going to be as responsive the next time Mom tries to teach her a lesson? Or has Mom’s authority been undermined? I don’t know how I feel personally about public shaming, but I feel downright humiliated for the parent who has noble intentions and inadvertently subjects herself to public shame and bullying. That’s like getting a spanking for spanking your child. Yes, I recognize that spanking is a controversial subject as well, but that’s my point. Not everyone has the same philosophy regarding what is the healthiest way to raise or discipline his or her children. There’s always going to be someone who feels you are too hard on your kids, or you spoil your kids, and everything in between. So if you don’t want to be graded for your parenting skills- on a platform your children can see, no less- maybe you should just keep America out of your home. However you choose to teach your kids the difference between right and wrong is your legal right, but if you don’t want public criticism, don’t punish your kids publicly.
